At 40
April 19th, 2003. 11 AM, S.E. London.
“Will you be quiet now so I can sing for you?”
I’m sitting on Stu’s staircase in my jammies with my mobile pressed to my ear, listening to the caller sing ‘Happy Birthday, dear Ca-ro-li-naaa…’, all deep and breathy Marilyn to my JFK.
The line’s bad so I walk out barefeet into the garden. I am freezing on the outside, all a glow within while we talk of aging, romance, life.
Some days are better than others. Rich like the Kerala seafood my friends and I enjoyed the night before. Tangy like pints of London Pride — just enough for a little buzz. Sweet like the Italian hot chocolate at Bar Italia trickling down my tongue. Lush like laughter, seven of us huddled on the pavement on Frith Street. Aussie, Yankees, Brit and Cloggies. I am blessed.
I am happy. Not the food, not the gifts, not the music. People. People are the bestest presents.
‘Book titles published: 202.’
‘Deaths: 11204.’
Massive Attack’s dot matrix screen delivers messages in short sharp bytes. Unfinished Sympathy is pumping out of the speakers. So full of memories, this one. I sway to the melody. Mouth the words. You’re the book that I have opened and now I’ve gotten so much more….
He gives advise all fatherly, a font of 12 step knowledge. “You turn tears into knowledge so you’ll be wiser, but your body will start giving in.” I tell him I was born wise. “You weren’t wise when you went with that wanker,” he says heaping profanities on an ex. Look who’s talking. I laugh and tell him we’re all stupid in love.
And stupid we will be. But romance is finite. The all knowing screen flashes ‘value your friends’. I do.
When I turned 30 I thought “What if I turn 40 and I’m still alone?”
At 40, I feel loved.
3 Comments, Comment or Ping
dori
god i’m jealous - i’d LOVE to see massive attack live (although probably not here in New York, as unfortunately New York audiences tend to just stand around looking hip).
i’m about to turn 30. my big question is - “God, at 40 will i still be broke?” happy belated birthday (came here via storyblog at the fray).
before i go - what exactly is a “Cloggie”?
dori
Apr 30th, 2003
Caroline
Cloggie = Dutch person (cause we all wear clogs…)
I’m more broke at 40 than I was at 30. Which is scary.
Apr 30th, 2003
poocat
i’m just pausing to note that massive’s show was ill.
those lights were quite well done, informative and beautiful all in one. excellent. glad you got to see it.
to comment one… strange in ny? you should have seen it here (tokyo) where no one moves… thirty ex-pat kids in the center of thousands, dancing and attracting stares…
May 2nd, 2003