All I want is my money, fucksake

I looked up the number on the web. Got a 0900 number. Rang. Pushed buttons. Got a nice guy on the line. Told him what I wanted. He gave me a different number. I said, no - that's not what I need. He asked me again what I wanted. I told him again. He gave me another number. I said, no, that doesn't sound like it's what I need... I want to speak to my own branch, is that possible? He looked it up. This took a while. He rang them for me. Then he told me they told him to tell me to ring the first number he gave me. I explained to him again exactly what it is I want to do. He gave me a 0800 number to ring. A nice lady answered. She asked what I wanted. I explained and said it was taking a hell of a lot of time to do something that was really very simple. She agreed and told me this wasn't the right number for me to ring. Then she said the order service I needed was ending tomorrow. I could still ring it today, but I would have to apply for a contract number in future. Oh. Then she looked up the number. It wasn't in use anymore. Then she told me to find a computer and do it online. Which I did. That took me 2 minutes. Quite unlike myself I remained calm and pleasant and zen.