Fascinate, deviate, the reality you hate
I'm not a big fan of Reality TV of the 'put a bunch of vapid
famewhores in isolation'-type (Big Brother, Temptation Island) because the
cringe factor is just too high. But the shows that involve
'professionals' or 'talent' of some kind are interesting, even if they
are professional famewhores (I'm looking at you, James - The Apprentice,
U.K.) or just talently vapid (I'm looking at you, Idol contestants world
wide.).
The latest talent show to grab my attention is the utterly tasteless 'Rock Star: INXS', in which the five remaining members of INXS (Kirk Pengilly, the three Farriss brothers and Gary Garry Garrrry Beerrrrrs) seek a lead vocalist for their band. The winner will record an album and go on tour with them.
Just so we're clear on this, INXS aren't INXS without Michael Hutchence. I doubt anybody would have taken notice if the band had tried to conquer the world with their brand of Aussie pub rock if they hadn't been blessed with one of the most charismatic frontmen in the history of rock music. Without Hutch, they're just pointless.
I understand their point of view. They did not choose to end the band, they did not split up, they just lost a mate and they want to continue doing the only thing they know how to do. But honestly, guys, a reality audition show?
It's as tacky as the 'rock star' clothing that never really sat right on Tim Farriss's brickie physique. Tim (and to a lesser extent Kirk) used to be my favourite, actually, but I don't recognise him these days. He looks like André Hazes now. Which will mean nothing to you if you're not Dutch. English equivalent: Jo Brand in tacky leathers, without the education. Anyway, I think the whole idea pretty much defiles Hutch's memory. -- EXTENDED BODY:
Now that we've got that lofty standpoint out of the way, I'll confess I have no scruples at all. I'm hooked. I'm watching the show (three per week: clinics, performances and elimination) and reading the boards, and I have one or two favourites to win the competition. Because here are a bunch of people who can actually sing and already have a career in music or music theatre, and they are given some top material (The Who, Nirvana, R.E.M., Beatles, etc) to arrange and perform live with the house band. They had me at 'can actually sing'.
The band invited both boys and girls to their auditions, which surprised me a bit, but apparently INXS sort of prefer a woman because it would eliminate the otherwise inevitable comparisons to Hutch.
I was even more surprised to hear that most of the women invited were typical rock chicks. You know, lots of hair, lots of skin, some collagen. Their voices sound very metal / AOR. The male contestants mostly sound like they're auditioning for a grunge band. I suspect it might be a concious decision NOT to appeal to the Idol demographic. So they have Brooke Burke (some 'model' I'd never heard of) as MC and Dave Navarro is co-hosting the show. It might as well have been Paul Abdul, he's pretty much critique-less. But hey, he's a rawker. This is a rawk show. Rawk, rawk, rawk. Get it?
Well, that's all fine and dandy, but despite INXS's pub rock roots, the band enjoyed their biggest success with songs that were pretty much Top 40 material. New sensation, Need you tonight, Never tear us apart... all pop songs a lot closer to Take That than to Aerosmith, if you ask me. You're not, but I'm giving you my opinion anyway, it's what people do on weblogs.
So who do we have applying for the job? I'm not going to spend much time talking about the girls. I don't like any of them. Not their screechy voices and not their fashion sense. The young one, Jordis, has potential but she is too young and too light weight for 'Our Band: INXS'.
I say 'Our Band: INXS' because this is what the show's script writers are making the band say all the time. When they eliminate one of the 'rawkers' (The writers have also decided the contestants should be called this. It's painful.) one of the Farriss brothers, Pengilly or Beers says: 'I'm sorry, but you're jess not roight fer ah bind: INXS.'
I suppose the show's producer wanted the it to have its very own catch phrase, like Donald Trump's 'You're fired'. The show's title suggests they think they have a potential series on their hands. Maybe they'll convince Queen to go next: 'I'm sorry, but you're just not camp enough for our band, Queen.' Or, if God forbid, U2 were to lose their drummer: 'We're really sorry, but you're not enough of a miserable bastard for our band, U2.'
Every reality show has to have an 'evil' contestant and judging from the forums, Canadian J.D. Fortune is the one everybody loves to hate. He doesn't play nice with the other puppies, he's apparently back stabbing his way through the rounds, he's devilishly handsome and he comes over a little 'crazy' and unreliable. I don't know of posters on other forums have ever dealt with lead singers, but J.D. is the ONLY contestant who comes near to having the right personality. He also seems to have the most talent re: songwriting, is a compelling performer (has the 'X' factor) and, unlike the other contestants, he's an INXS fan.
MiG (yes, that's how he spells his name) is the only Aussie in the group, of Fillipino descent. He's already has a career in musical theatre - I think he came straight from the London production of 'Queen, the musical'. I'm not sure 'Our Band: INXS' would put up with someone even prettier than Hutch, though he keeps delivering quite flawless performances.
Ty is the only black contestant and was seen crying over it a couple of episodes ago. Thinks he has to work harder because he's black. Whatever. He's good. Better at soulful ballads (he feels it) than straight forward rock (too stagey), but an accomplished performer. Very different from Hutch and I think it could work, but they'll have to break him down completely first, make him unlearn everything he learnt in theatre and start 'rocking' from the underbelly. Him and his little mohawk.
Marty is everybody's favourite. Too grungy for me, and his voice doesn't seem to have a lot of range, but Our Band: INXS seems to like him. Has a sense of mystery and quite interesting body language, but he doesn't seem to have the personality needed to front a band. Too demure. A little dull. Hasn't got the vision a frontman needs. But maybe Our Band: INXS welcome the thought of a singer they can knead into what they want. Who doesn't talk back. Who isn't unpredictable and dangerous and moody. It doesn't bode well... a band where the guitarist, drummer and bassplayer are in charge? Fuck me, but that's a recipe for disaster.
Who do I want to front Our Band? J.D. Who do I think will win? Marty, perhaps. Or maybe one of the girls, if Our Middle-Aged Band think with Their Dicks. What do I really think? Well, I don't want ANY of these would be 'rawkers' to front INXS. And it would please me no end if at the end of the series, Our Band says:
'We're really sorry, it's jess not roight to continue without Our Man: Hutch.'
The latest talent show to grab my attention is the utterly tasteless 'Rock Star: INXS', in which the five remaining members of INXS (Kirk Pengilly, the three Farriss brothers and Gary Garry Garrrry Beerrrrrs) seek a lead vocalist for their band. The winner will record an album and go on tour with them.
Just so we're clear on this, INXS aren't INXS without Michael Hutchence. I doubt anybody would have taken notice if the band had tried to conquer the world with their brand of Aussie pub rock if they hadn't been blessed with one of the most charismatic frontmen in the history of rock music. Without Hutch, they're just pointless.
I understand their point of view. They did not choose to end the band, they did not split up, they just lost a mate and they want to continue doing the only thing they know how to do. But honestly, guys, a reality audition show?
It's as tacky as the 'rock star' clothing that never really sat right on Tim Farriss's brickie physique. Tim (and to a lesser extent Kirk) used to be my favourite, actually, but I don't recognise him these days. He looks like André Hazes now. Which will mean nothing to you if you're not Dutch. English equivalent: Jo Brand in tacky leathers, without the education. Anyway, I think the whole idea pretty much defiles Hutch's memory. -- EXTENDED BODY:
Now that we've got that lofty standpoint out of the way, I'll confess I have no scruples at all. I'm hooked. I'm watching the show (three per week: clinics, performances and elimination) and reading the boards, and I have one or two favourites to win the competition. Because here are a bunch of people who can actually sing and already have a career in music or music theatre, and they are given some top material (The Who, Nirvana, R.E.M., Beatles, etc) to arrange and perform live with the house band. They had me at 'can actually sing'.
The band invited both boys and girls to their auditions, which surprised me a bit, but apparently INXS sort of prefer a woman because it would eliminate the otherwise inevitable comparisons to Hutch.
I was even more surprised to hear that most of the women invited were typical rock chicks. You know, lots of hair, lots of skin, some collagen. Their voices sound very metal / AOR. The male contestants mostly sound like they're auditioning for a grunge band. I suspect it might be a concious decision NOT to appeal to the Idol demographic. So they have Brooke Burke (some 'model' I'd never heard of) as MC and Dave Navarro is co-hosting the show. It might as well have been Paul Abdul, he's pretty much critique-less. But hey, he's a rawker. This is a rawk show. Rawk, rawk, rawk. Get it?
Well, that's all fine and dandy, but despite INXS's pub rock roots, the band enjoyed their biggest success with songs that were pretty much Top 40 material. New sensation, Need you tonight, Never tear us apart... all pop songs a lot closer to Take That than to Aerosmith, if you ask me. You're not, but I'm giving you my opinion anyway, it's what people do on weblogs.
So who do we have applying for the job? I'm not going to spend much time talking about the girls. I don't like any of them. Not their screechy voices and not their fashion sense. The young one, Jordis, has potential but she is too young and too light weight for 'Our Band: INXS'.
I say 'Our Band: INXS' because this is what the show's script writers are making the band say all the time. When they eliminate one of the 'rawkers' (The writers have also decided the contestants should be called this. It's painful.) one of the Farriss brothers, Pengilly or Beers says: 'I'm sorry, but you're jess not roight fer ah bind: INXS.'
I suppose the show's producer wanted the it to have its very own catch phrase, like Donald Trump's 'You're fired'. The show's title suggests they think they have a potential series on their hands. Maybe they'll convince Queen to go next: 'I'm sorry, but you're just not camp enough for our band, Queen.' Or, if God forbid, U2 were to lose their drummer: 'We're really sorry, but you're not enough of a miserable bastard for our band, U2.'
Every reality show has to have an 'evil' contestant and judging from the forums, Canadian J.D. Fortune is the one everybody loves to hate. He doesn't play nice with the other puppies, he's apparently back stabbing his way through the rounds, he's devilishly handsome and he comes over a little 'crazy' and unreliable. I don't know of posters on other forums have ever dealt with lead singers, but J.D. is the ONLY contestant who comes near to having the right personality. He also seems to have the most talent re: songwriting, is a compelling performer (has the 'X' factor) and, unlike the other contestants, he's an INXS fan.
MiG (yes, that's how he spells his name) is the only Aussie in the group, of Fillipino descent. He's already has a career in musical theatre - I think he came straight from the London production of 'Queen, the musical'. I'm not sure 'Our Band: INXS' would put up with someone even prettier than Hutch, though he keeps delivering quite flawless performances.
Ty is the only black contestant and was seen crying over it a couple of episodes ago. Thinks he has to work harder because he's black. Whatever. He's good. Better at soulful ballads (he feels it) than straight forward rock (too stagey), but an accomplished performer. Very different from Hutch and I think it could work, but they'll have to break him down completely first, make him unlearn everything he learnt in theatre and start 'rocking' from the underbelly. Him and his little mohawk.
Marty is everybody's favourite. Too grungy for me, and his voice doesn't seem to have a lot of range, but Our Band: INXS seems to like him. Has a sense of mystery and quite interesting body language, but he doesn't seem to have the personality needed to front a band. Too demure. A little dull. Hasn't got the vision a frontman needs. But maybe Our Band: INXS welcome the thought of a singer they can knead into what they want. Who doesn't talk back. Who isn't unpredictable and dangerous and moody. It doesn't bode well... a band where the guitarist, drummer and bassplayer are in charge? Fuck me, but that's a recipe for disaster.
Who do I want to front Our Band? J.D. Who do I think will win? Marty, perhaps. Or maybe one of the girls, if Our Middle-Aged Band think with Their Dicks. What do I really think? Well, I don't want ANY of these would be 'rawkers' to front INXS. And it would please me no end if at the end of the series, Our Band says:
'We're really sorry, it's jess not roight to continue without Our Man: Hutch.'