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Torchwood – S2e04 – Meat

Aw Rhys. I like Rhys. He’s driving a car and gets a call from his secretary saying there’s an accident involving someone he knows and… meat. Rhys drives up to the accident spot.

‘Dense flesh,’ says Jack. Huh?

Torchwood have arrived on the scene of the accident and Rhys looks on unbelievingly as his odd-looking girlfriend Gwen strides in in sexaaay slomo.

I didn’t know Rhys was in the meat business. Mmm, meat. Although that alien slab doesn’t look too fit. Well, at least it’s not peepul…

Sorry. Gwen’s sporting a Nokia N95. Good girl.

The Welsh accent gives me problems sometimes. Can’t follow the bit between Rhys and his secretary. Can you imagine if Barrowman were using his Scottish accent? They’d never be able to sell the show on BBC America!

Awkward meeting between Gwen and Rhys, Gwen so obviously lying. This scene is dragging on a bit. He’s going to follow her, good man Rhys. It’s about time he knew what Gwen’s involved in. Oh no… he catches her just when Jack’s being flirty (when is he not?) with Gwen.

‘You have to do as I say.’ Oh yes, Captain Jack. Gwen’s a silly cow. Is this scene meant to be sexy, or not. Is he really pushing her up against the wall for that long or is that just awkward editing?

Why is the meat making whale sounds?

Ah, the big fight. Are you fucking him? No, but she did Owen, the little skank. Aliens? In Cardiff? Well, where else would they be?

This is all very Pobol y Cwm, isn’t it. They did say it was SciFi with soapy elements. You know, this argument is pretty realistic, full of stupid things people say when they’re angry.

And so she takes him down the invisible lift. Hello, Myfanwy!

ROTFLMAO. ‘We could feed the world.’ ‘We could release a single!’ Take that, Sir Bob.

Aha, now Rhys becomes part of the team. This is really well written. And funny! And so badly acted. There, I’ve unearthed the problem with this show. They managed to find a group of actors who have problems finding the chemistry four shows into the second series.

Poor Tosh. I hope they don’t go on and on and on with this stupid crush thing. It makes her look pathetic.

Owen thinks the blog is crying? This is the guy who didn’t think twice about drugging two human beings to have his way with them, but now winces at offing a smelly alien?

Talking about pathetic… Jack’s flirting with the secretary never feels natural.

‘Imprisoned, chained and drugged, welcome to Planet Earth,’ says Jack. And who was keeping a Weevil in a cell again? Hypocrite.

This episode feels very Star Trekky with that big blob of smelly, sentient meat making whale sounds. Captain Jack’s the 21st century’s omnisexual James Tiberius Kirk.

Can’t they keep their characters straight for one second? In the one episode Jack’s totally anti alien and wants to kill them now all, now he’s all boo hoo hoo the poor sad thing, what have they done to you?

The grand finale, a shoot out in a warehouse. The sound in this episode’s all over the place, between the music and the alien and the dialogue, it’s not good. I wish they’d spend more on production.

‘It came through a rift in time and space…’ Good title for a movie. OMG they shot Rhys. Noooo.

Owen’s making a cocktail for his pet.

Ianto! In his lovely dress coat. Wow, that was… Bond-worthy, the way he took down the evil brothers. Yes, definitely need more Ianto.

Lovely piece of Barrowman overacting. The big blob opens its eye one more time and dies. Jack… waves at it?

And the meat monster dies by Owen’s hand and suddenly he’s all emo, wtf?

Finally some peace and quiet. Gwen and Rhys are eating an ice cream while she ponders whether or not to remove his memories with the handy little pill we know from the very first episode of season one. Looks like the end of this epi… but, no….

Here comes Gwen running into Torchwood and she’s shouting again, for no reason at all and  would somebody please explain why Jack is close to crying? His pining over Gwen makes no sense at all when he’s doing the office boy all the while. Here check it out:

What are we supposed to think is going on between them?

Oh, in case you missed it:

“Have you eaten Alien meat”
“Yes”
“How was it?”
“He seemed to enjoy it.”

06. February 2008 von Caroline
Categories: Television | Tags: aliens, bbc america, captain jack, cardiff, driving a car, good girl, good man, gwen, meat business, nokia n95, pobol y cwm, scottish accent, silly cow, sir bob, slab, slomo, strides, stupid things, torchwood, welsh accent, whale sounds | 2 comments