This weekend I found out Painting with Bob Ross is back on television. Bob Ross is the weirdest, campest, eeriest thing I’ve ever seen on TV. I came across it one day, zapping away. It was the voice that struck me, I sat down and watched the whole thing. I had to, I was hypnotized. Ross – he died in 96 – was an gnome-like man with bushy hair, painting the most awful pictures: nature scenes, snow capped mountains, waterfalls and ‘happy little trees’. Trailer trash pictures. It didn’t matter – the sound of the brushes on the canvas and the soothing voice had me captivated… and I was not alone. I’d mention it to friends and colleagues and many of them confessed to being addicted themselves.
I would watch the shows every weekend, and afterwards fall asleep on the couch. Totally relaxed. Then the station was taken off the cable. Now the show is back.
Yesterday I asked myself what I would like to do before I’m old and I couldn’t think of a lot. That’s frightening. Do I lack ambition? Have I run out of ideas? My output is… compulsive rather than driven, I’m sure. I guess I do want to write another book… but the need was satisfied when the first came out, however amateurish it was.
I’d like to learn to relax before I’m old… rather than have to grow old in order to relax.
I lost my interest in finding a partner after the last debacle. It’s like… OK, been there, done that… not interesting enough. I’d rather like myself a little more before I even try to like someone else.
I’ve been overhearing conversations on the train. It’s embarrassing to have strangers’ thoughts and emotions forced upon you. (mind readers must be in a perpetual state of cheek burning embarrassment!). Today, two men were discussing the one man’s problems. He was unhappy in his job and had made the decision to leave. His colleague said that was brave of him especially after having sorted out the problems in his marriage…. *groan*.
I was struck by the language they used. Where on earth do people pick up this self-help, counseling lingo? ‘I need to sort things out for myself in my head and be happy within myself, before I can turn that switch and go forward in life.’ That kind of thing… nobody talks like that! But they do.
On IRC, a bot’s been named after me. The owner does it ‘because it would piss [her] off’, ‘she’d kill me if she knew’. Christ on a horse, am I glad I don’t expose myself to this kind of Kindergarten reasoning anymore!