This weekend I found out Painting with Bob Ross is back on television. Bob Ross is the weirdest, campest, eeriest thing I’ve ever seen on TV. I came across it one day, zapping away. It was the voice that struck me, I sat down and watched the whole thing. I had to, I was hypnotized. Ross – he died in 96 – was an gnome-like man with bushy hair, painting the most awful pictures: nature scenes, snow capped mountains, waterfalls and ‘happy little trees’. Trailer trash pictures. It didn’t matter – the sound of the brushes on the canvas and the soothing voice had me captivated… and I was not alone. I’d mention it to friends and colleagues and many of them confessed to being addicted themselves.

I would watch the shows every weekend, and afterwards fall asleep on the couch. Totally relaxed. Then the station was taken off the cable. Now the show is back.

Yesterday I asked myself what I would like to do before I’m old and I couldn’t think of a lot. That’s frightening. Do I lack ambition? Have I run out of ideas? My output is… compulsive rather than driven, I’m sure. I guess I do want to write another book… but the need was satisfied when the first came out, however amateurish it was.

I’d like to learn to relax before I’m old… rather than have to grow old in order to relax.

I lost my interest in finding a partner after the last debacle. It’s like… OK, been there, done that… not interesting enough. I’d rather like myself a little more before I even try to like someone else.

I’ve been overhearing conversations on the train. It’s embarrassing to have strangers’ thoughts and emotions forced upon you. (mind readers must be in a perpetual state of cheek burning embarrassment!). Today, two men were discussing the one man’s problems. He was unhappy in his job and had made the decision to leave. His colleague said that was brave of him especially after having sorted out the problems in his marriage…. *groan*.

I was struck by the language they used. Where on earth do people pick up this self-help, counseling lingo? ‘I need to sort things out for myself in my head and be happy within myself, before I can turn that switch and go forward in life.’ That kind of thing… nobody talks like that! But they do.

On IRC, a bot’s been named after me. The owner does it ‘because it would piss [her] off’, ‘she’d kill me if she knew’. Christ on a horse, am I glad I don’t expose myself to this kind of Kindergarten reasoning anymore!

Nice & easy

Ixcullunt… as they say in New Zealand. Slept well & woke up relevantly refreshed and caught the 8.49 train for the first time in more than a week. Easy going day at work – got word I can go on a course. Didn’t realise it was going to be so long, though! Every Monday and Tuesday in October/November, 14 days in total. It’s a course geared towards tv/radio producers, concerning script writing and development for the internet. Will look nice on resume, hope I can stay focused. Always have problems sitting in ‘class rooms’.

I had ordered Ian Dury’s new album, and it arrived today. I was a huge fan back in school and college – when I first started buying records I suppose. I got them all second hand from a nice little store on Oude Gracht here in Utrecht. It’s since become dance orientated. The new album doesn’t stray too far from familiar paths, it’s fun to hear him again, though he’s – obviously – more mellow than before. I now understand the attraction… it’s the theatre and the music hall idea of it, more cabaret than rock and roll. ‘It’s what you haven’t done that matters when you’re old’. Nice one.

Ice cream & the Lawnmower Man

Half a liter of Italian ice cream (why don’t men like ice cream as much as women do?) and Bullets over Broadway. I should have known better than to get a film with the Cusack bloke. I didn’t think it was funny. Perhaps it’s a film to see in the cinema, not in the comfort of your home where there is a COMPUTER handy. I think I prefer Woody Allen films that he acts in himself.

I will miss that ice cream parlour when I move to Amsterdam. It is, without doubt, the best Italian ice cream I have ever had. They have all the regular flavours and quite a few irregular ones like ‘apple pie’ and ‘lemon cake’ and ‘stroopwafels’ (which will only make sense to Dutch people). I told them how good they were. The girl was very friendly, jolly even- it makes all the difference. Half a liter is way too much, of course, my tongue was frozen through and I couldn’t taste anything halfway through it.

Just sat through Sling Blade, absolutely captivated. Billy Bob Thornton is mesmerizing as a character I’d probably avoid like the plague if I met him in the street. You know what’s going to happen… but that doesn’t matter – you’re caught in the rhythm of the film. Dwight Yoakam might just be the first musician who can act. I’d like to see more of these kind of little gems.

Video rental

Relax and chill out weekend. I think. Will not make web pages. Will not waste time on line.

Got 4 films from the video rental. Boogie Nights, L.A. Confidential, Bullets over Broadway and Slingblade. Watched Boogie Nights. Thought it would be funnier, but I found it dark and depressing. Not in a bad way either. Amazing film to come out of Hollywood. I wonder why Burt Reynolds didn’t want to have anything to do with it anymore.

L.A. Confidential isn’t as good as I thought it would be – it’s kind of a worn out genre, perhaps. Kevin Spacey is fab though. My kind of guy, anyway.

Well, I started jotting down stuff during Boogie Nights. Then I realised my problem is that I *cannot* sit on couch and do nothing. Had to force myself to watch those films instead of work on computer. Work – work – work. Am silly runt.
Anyway, after the film, before I knew it I was up to my neck in my new project which is nicely coming together. Now all I need is content. So… any readers who want to write a little piece about music, contact me for details.

The flat mates are planning a house meeting on Tuesday. I honestly cannot be arsed.

Working girl

Have made progress on the new project. Asked two colleagues who both seemed willing. Got some response on line. No idea what it should look like yet.

Feel sick. Came home to get bollocking from flatmate about cleaning. Said nothing. Wish they’d leave me in peace.

Re-reading this week: Breakfast on Pluto and Bridget Jones’s Diary (for a laff).

Have meeting with job agency on Saturday to find some work to get through November I have an 11-month contract with VARA, have to leave for a month and then come back. That’s called freelance over here.

I could take the month off, but need $$ so filled in a form on an online job bank. Turns out they’re a ‘real’ job agency and I have to drop in for a talk and to fill in more forms. How annoying.

Dad & Stepmum are off to USA. Lucky bastards. Living the life of bleedin’ Reilly, they are. Though why they would want to see Salt Lake City beats the hell outa me.

I’m like a kid waiting for Christmas… waiting for my new toy, the domain. It was approved by Internic just a little while ago and now I just have to wait for their database to be updated again… sometime tomorrow I suppose. I can’t believe I’m getting myself into this – yet another mouth to feed… a hungry little directory waiting for me to stick files in it.

We’re getting a digital camera at work. Yaaaaay! Soon I’ll be snapping away without having to pay for developing and printing.

I’m watching ‘Two Fat Ladies’ on BBC, a cookery programme. The two old girls are fab. :) ‘Bloody Brussels,’ they mutter, talking about the E.C. regulations for the export of ducks’ eggs. All their recipes are full of lard and butter and their mouthes full of marbles. Delish. ‘Such an unappreciated fish, the haddock, you know… it repays you so kindly when you pay it a little affection.’

Decided to e-mail the estate agent to find out what the story is on the berloody house.


Work was hectic today with the start of the new tv/radio season. I worked double speed & we got it all done just before the deadline. Then spent more time debugging after the deadline.

I finally thought of an interesting project to do on line. Something that does not involve me tributing other talent.
It will be something like or – and I am going to need YOUR help. If you think you can write a small piece on a given subject related to music, please drop me a line and I’ll give you the general idea of the site.

I toyed with the idea of getting a domain name for the project, but having had a few too many last night I couldn’t think of anything that hadn’t been already taken so I ended up registering my ‘secret’ IRC nick as a domain name. It kind of describes what I want to be. It’s a lot cooler than anyway. Anyway, there goes another 70 dollars Internic fee. Just when I thought I’d start cutting down on expenses. I am the original moneyspending mad woman.

Talked language with a friend over dinner and also made a point of convincing him I’m a mediocre web designer. Why do I go through the trouble of selling myself short?

Interesting e-mail… apparently there are reliable Irishmen around, but they live in Canada. And someone actually read ‘Flat’!