What time did you get up this morning?
6.35 am

Diamonds or pearls?
Neither strike my fancy. I think as far as jewelry goes, plain silver is what I prefer.

What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Serenity. I enjoyed it a lot, but it didn’t ‘stick’.

What is your favourite TV show?
I’ve been re-affirming my love for the West Wing, and the idea that it’ll all be over in a few weeks is making me a little sad. Thankfully the episodes are so rich they lend themselves quite easily to multiple viewing.

What do you usually have for breakfast?
(Very) full grain bread or bun. I never used to eat breakfast, but since I got diabetes I’ve had to adapt.

Favourite cuisine?
Almost anything that’s cooked lovingly. I love Japanese and Chinese food, Brit/Irish traditional roasts, barbecue, cheese fondue. Pork. Seafood. Bacon. Shellfish. Blackpudding. Pork rinds. Sausage. Did I mention pork?

What food do you dislike?
Thai dishes that involve a lot of fresh green herbs. I’m not keen on their use of different types of basil.

What is your favourite CD at the moment?
I’m shuffling mostly at the moment. Any time a Bowie song starts I stop and wonder.

Morning or night person?
No particular preference, but when I have time off my rhythms naturally shift to night time.

Favourite sandwich?
Butter + peanut butter + aged Gouda

What characteristic do you despise?
Depends on the person.

Favourite item of clothing?
My M&S jeans, the only ones that really fit me, length-wise.

If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would it be?
At the moment, I’d really like to see more of Italy, since I haven’t been there since I was 4 or so.

What colour is your bathroom?
White & greyish-blue

Favourite brand of clothing?
I really like Paul Smith’s stuff, though I haven’t got any. I’m partial to Adidas.

Where would you retire to?
Somewhere I can keep a dog.

What was your most memorable birthday?
My 40th. Spent it with friends in London. My favourite musician sang to me over the phone, Marilyn Monroe style. We all had heavenly (Kerala) food. It was a lovely day.

Favourite sport to watch?
Boxing, athletics, skating (speed or figure). Used to love tennis in the 70s and early 80s, before it became a power sport.

Who do you least expect to complete this?
Don’t know, don’t care.

Person you expect to complete it first?
Don’t know, don’t care.

Person who is least busy?
Eh?

When is your birthday?
April 19.

What is your shoe size?
7 (40)

Pets?
I wish.

Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with us?
Well, look down a few posts.

What did you want to be when you were little?
I wanted to be a pilot when I was little. But people told me I couldn’t, I would have to be a stewardess. Around age 9 or 10 I started wanting to be a writer, journalist or broadcaster.

What is your favourite flower?
I don’t have one, I think. I don’t care about flowers much. On second thought: Leo.

What date on the calendar are you looking forward to?
April 14, start of my Easter break. I desperately need it.

One word to describe the person who you snaffled this from?
Um… Online.

‘We had to send it back, it wasn’t right.’

Poor piggie. Murdered to death and then discarded.

I try my luck at the butcher on the other side of the road. Inside, it’s like going back to the very early 70s. Knorr products on the shelves, the packaging bleached by the sun, sparse cuts of pale meat on show. A little dusty. Very open air museum. This is the Holland you want to forget.

The butcher looks more like a penny-saving grocer. Protestant and painfully repressed. One manky eye looks sideways, while the other stares straight ahead. He helps another client, taking his time. I’m in no hurry, so I wait while he makes their cut meat sandwiches. Finally, they’re done.

“Do you have any pork belly?” I ask.

“I do,” he says and makes for the storage room, then returns. “You’re going to make babi pangang, aren’t you?”

Balls. He’s cut the skin off. I’m not making the chinese roast pork dish he’s referring too, but I do need the meat uncut for my epaisse tranche de lard dans son jus. Should I slap his wrist for assuming an Asian-looking woman must be cooking Chinese food?

“I’ve cut the skin off, you see.”

I see.

“I cut the skin off the minute I get it in, before I store it,” he says in a way that there’s no mistaking… cutting the skin off is. the. right. thing. to do.

Oh.

“You have a better chance finding some at the Albert Cuyp market. The butchers there…” he sniffs, “I call them dirty butchers.”

I smile thinly and thank him. He’s sorry I had to wait so long. I’m sorry I ever met him.